Life can be described as one long journey with many different paths and choices along the way. Like any kind of journey, the journey of life requires us to be aware, to plan, and to make decisions about how we’re going to reach our destination, looking for navigation points and signposts to guide us along the way.

We could choose to relinquish any idea of intentionality, but approaching life in this haphazard, unplanned way makes the likelihood of us reaching our desired destination more a random accident of fate rather than any kind of expected certainty.

Much like a traveller prepares for any kind of trip through careful researching, resourcing, and planning, being intentional in how we live and the choices we make increases the probability of us actually reaching our goal.

Intentionality can be defined as “with purpose” or “an aim or a plan”, but more than simply something that one “hopes or intends to accomplish”. The dictionary definition of ‘intentionality ‘ is ‘thoughts, beliefs, desires, hopes which consist in their being directed towards some object or state of affairs‘. It is a word that’s connected to specific aspirations, dreams, objectives, or goals, and is the opposite of being aimless, purposeless, mindless, or drifting.

Sometimes people can confuse intention with action. Yet living intentionally doesn’t require massive, dramatic action. While it would be impossible to live intentionally without some kind of action, it shouldn’t be confused with doing. Intention falls into the category of being; who we are and who we intend to become.

Living mindfully, or intentionally, then, is learning to value ‘being’, as much as we value ‘doing’. It’s operating with purpose, rather than on autopilot or being disconnected from what’s going on.

Living intentionally requires us to ask who am I right now, and who will I be in the future. The question of ‘how do I make that happen’ becomes a natural result of the mindset of intentionality.

Living with intention doesn’t complicate life or overstress it, it simplifies life. It allows you to live on your terms, proactively, in the direction of your purpose. It clarifies everything that you’re surrounded by and allows you to strip away the complexities that don’t fit with your desired goals, aligning what you do with your personal values and who you intend to become.

It’s important to remember that living intentionally doesn’t necessarily guarantee successful or happy outcomes in every scenario. What it does guarantee, however, is the ability to navigate life’s ups and downs in a positive way. Paul the Apostle commented on the value of self-regulation and true happiness (which is not found in circumstances or possessions), when he says, “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content” (Philippians 4:11-13). He knew who he was and he knew where he was going and in knowing this, he was able to be deeply content, despite some terrible circumstances he experienced.

When we consider intentionality in the light of spiritual life, we realise just how important living intentionally is to achieve our goal.

The goal of being more like Jesus doesn’t come naturally or happen randomly, it requires purposeful choice in a specific direction. Having the mind of Christ is something that is developed in us, not something we’re naturally born with.

There’s a whole chapter in the Bible devoted to ordinary people made remarkable by the intentionality of their choices. Consider the impressive lineup of men and women found in Hebrews 12, who found their place there by their intentional and responsive obedience to the work of God in their lives. Who they were – their belief, their mindset, their intentions – was what God approved of; their actions were secondary to the way – or better yet, the direction – in which they chose to live.

Intentionality can be synonymous with mindfulness, that is, choosing to be mindful and ready to respond as and when situations arise.

The book of Romans tells us how important it is for our minds to be transformed (12:2), and the letter to the church at Philippi tells us what our minds need to be transformed by (4:8) but it is the letter to Timothy that really shows us how this is done (2 Timothy 1:7) – “the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid but gives us power, love, and self-discipline”.

We’ve been given the ability to be transformed by the Spirit of God through powerful, intentional choices in our lives. God’s Spirit motivates us to love and self-discipline, emotions that are connected to our spiritual health. It’s our emotions that tell us important data about our personal values and learning to listen and respond to those emotions, in step with the Spirit of God, forms a powerful framework for intentional living.

Here are 5 areas I believe we can focus on that will help us live more intentionally and mindfully each day:

1. Be present: make contact with the present moment.

Focus on where you are right now. Appreciate the present moment and learn to let go of past distress or future worries. Allow the peace of God to sit comfortably in your heart and really spend time being in the present. Ask yourself, who am I in this present moment and what am I seeking to cultivate in this present moment, without any sense of judgment around those questions.

2. Be aware: be aware of your thoughts and feelings.

Listen to what your emotions and thoughts are telling you, again without judgment. Emotions are important data, aligned with your personal values, and listening carefully to these will better help you to make intentional choices and decisions as you move forward.

Ensure that the choices and decisions you make are responsive, not reactive, and that you’re connecting emotionally in that process. However, don’t be led by your emotions or thoughts alone, but rather, consider what information they might be trying to tell you and use that information to make more intentional choices.

Is what you’re doing connected to your purpose and leading you toward your goal? This may include making choices that others might think of as ‘purposeless’, such as saying ‘no’ to something (when normally we might feel compelled to say ‘yes’) or taking time out from activities or people (when normally this would seem antisocial or lazy). Remember, for every ‘yes’ – things that we step into or agree to, there is a corresponding ‘no’ – things that we choose to move away from or not participate in, and vice versa. ‘Yes’ or ‘no’ are not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but rather are considered outcomes of our intentional way of living: knowing what to pick up and knowing what to set down.

3. Be non-judgmental: allow things to be as they are not as you would wish them to be.

Learn to withhold judgment of situations or people. You aren’t in control of everything or everyone and allowing your thoughts to focus on unpleasant circumstances or people in a judgmental way only causes unnecessary stress and anxiety to ourselves. It also distracts us from being able to make positive, intentional choices in the moment, which are related to our own personal values.

Instead, learn to be with things as they are and ready to change mindfully when it’s required.

4. Be compassionate: calm the inner critic.

There is no condemnation for those in Jesus, yet we often replay our failures over and over, hyper-focused on where we failed or what we did wrong in the past.

We need to accept what has been with compassion, understanding that whatever has happened, good or bad, can’t be undone. Yet those things are also lessons, and offer us guidance and a sense of renewed direction in decisions we are yet to make.

When we fail to accept our past decisions with compassion and understanding, we hold ourselves back from receiving the wisdom that those experiences bring and using those lessons to make better, more informed decisions in the future.

5. Be connected: find your tribe.

We were not meant to do this journey of life alone. Part of living intentionally includes choosing to walk alongside trusted companions, those people who constantly direct our attention to the significant things of God, who encourage us to be our most authentic selves, despite difficulties, and who love us wholeheartedly through good times and bad.

Paul the apostle tells us to ‘be followers of me, even as I am of Jesus’. Paul isn’t trying to impress us with his importance or success, rather, he’s pointing to the interconnected, intentional nature of Christian life. We look to others and, ultimately, of course, to Jesus, for guidance, mentorship, and companionship in the journey of life. Connectedness through community is a key aspect of being intentional in our lives.

Finally, be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire. As scripture puts it: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength… Love your neighbour as yourself.”

 

“It’s impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” | Peter Scazzero, Emotional Healthy Spirituality

Emotions Make Us Human

Do you have emotionally healthy spirituality? Are you emotionally mature? Or are you, perhaps, deeply uncomfortable being intimate with your emotions? Did you realise that emotional maturity and spiritual health are intrinsically linked? Our emotions are at the core of what it is to be human and the journey of genuine transformation to emotionally healthy spirituality begins with a commitment to allow yourself to feel.

Are You Emotionally Mature?

Are you as emotionally mature as you’d like to think you are? Ask yourself the following questions and you may be surprised and somewhat perturbed with the answers:

• You find it difficult or impossible to be transparent about your life struggles or how you really are. If someone asks, you reply “I’m fine”, “all good”, or “great week – yours?”.
• You take any suggestion as a personal attack or rejection, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to improve or grow.
• You are intolerant of different views to your own and often tend to speak in very black and white terms about differences ie “right” or “wrong”.
• You may be outwardly helpful, friendly, or giving to others but in private, you’re actually a lousy spouse, parent, or family member.
• Others may describe you as unteachable, proud, insecure, or defensive.
• You may deal with conflict or turmoil with others by using methods that emotionally distance you from the very person you need resolution with. You often choose to talk with someone other than the person you are in conflict with. You avoid face-to-face conversations or simply pretend a situation doesn’t exist.

You might be feeling somewhat dismayed to find yourself in one or more of the above scenarios. The good news is you’re definitely not alone. Many (or most of us, if we’re honest) find ourselves somewhere in the middle of thinking we’re emotionally mature and discovering that, in reality, we’re not. But what does our emotional maturity have to do with our spirituality?

Humanity – Made In The Image And Likeness Of God

Humans are incredibly complex creatures. yet we can divide all these complexities into five general parts or components that, put together, make us a “whole” or “complete” human:

Intellectual – Humans are created superior to animals; we’re able to reason and make decisions for our own lives. The pursuit of knowledge is inbuilt in humans and the acquisition of knowledge is considered to be highly valuable and profitable.
Spiritual – Humans are also able to comprehend and make decisions based on more than just logical conclusions, knowledge or experience. We have the ability, if we choose, to base our reasoning on spiritual values with moral considerations. We’re able to comprehend “higher ideals”. Vines Expository Bible Dictionary defines “spirituality” as “things that have their origin with God and therefore are in harmony with His character”. The ability to comprehend spiritual things makes us uniquely different to animals.
Physical – Humans aren’t insubstantial, rather, our very essence, our consciousness, the thing that makes us, US, is contained within a  literal, physical body. We feel things physically; touch, cold, heat, hunger, thirst, tiredness, and our physical state can be nurtured or abused (by ourselves or others). Our bodies are incredibly designed and are, as the Psalmist so aptly described them, “fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
Social – Humans have a natural desire to belong, to be loved, to be “part of something”. We’re generally extremely social creatures. We tend to develop our circle or tribe and cultivate that to our benefit because we enjoy company and friendship. We hate loneliness or the feeling of being unwanted or not needed. Social rejection or disconnection is actually one of the major causes of depression in humans.
Emotional – Finally, humans are emotional and our emotions are actually connected to all the other parts of us. Our emotions are the very core, the heart, of what it is to be human. We feel elation when we learn something new (intellectual). We feel pain when our bodies experience hurt (physical) and we feel acceptance and love when we belong (social). It should make sense to us that our spirituality and our emotions are deeply connected. But, somehow, we struggle to recognise this connection and, in fact, we often actively seek to disconnect the two. Yet, our spirituality and our emotions are inseparable.

“The call of emotionally healthy spirituality is a call to a radical, countercultural life. It is a call to intentionality, rhythm, and expectation of a life transformed by the risen Christ, with the power to see through the illusions and pretense of our world.” | Peter Scazzero

Emotions are data and this data gives us important information, enabling us to make values-based decisions. The problem with ignoring the connection between our emotions and our spirituality is that we then ignore important information about ourselves, how and why we’re feeling certain things, and the need to deal with those feelings.

Without acknowledging our emotions and using that information, our values-based decisions, those “higher ideals” or “things that have their origin in God”, can’t be acted upon in a deeply connected and meaningful way.

We become one-dimensional creatures, stagnant and immovable, rather than multi-faceted and growing towards being “thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17), and we certainly don’t have an emotionally healthy spirituality.

“There is no greater disaster in spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality. In fact, the true spiritual life is not an escape from reality but an absolute commitment to it.” | Peter Scazerro

The Iceberg – What’s Really Going On Beneath The Surface

Unresolved or ignored emotions don’t just go away. They grow, unchecked, beneath the surface of our life. What people see really is only “the tip of the iceberg.” Above the waterline, we may appear to be doing fine, we will often say we are fine, but beneath the surface rage, all the unacknowledged and unresolved emotional feelings that we pretend don’t exist. We’re not being true to ourselves or others and we’re not living authentic, meaningful lives. Here’s what happens when we ignore our emotions:

• We become fearful
• We become intolerant
• We become critical
• We become ignorant
• We become disconnected
• We become discontented
• We become disillusioned

Still Not Sure About Being Emotionally Connected? Jesus Was Emotional!

We’re told that Jesus was like us, in all aspects of his humanity (Hebrews 4:15). He felt every human need and experienced the broad spectrum of human emotion. However, his emotions were always deeply connected to his spirituality. He felt sadness (Luke 19:41), joy (Luke 10:21), anger and distress (Mark 3:5), sorrow (Matthew 26:37), compassion (Luke 7:13), astonishment (Luke 7:9), stress and anxiety (Luke 12:50), and desperation and emotional vulnerability (Mark 14:32-36).

The challenge to shed our “old false” self in order to live authentically in our “new true” self strikes at the very core of true spirituality. Paul the Apostle, expressed this as, “to put off your old self…and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22, 24).” | Peter Scazzero

Emotional courage is listening to what your heart is telling you, ensuring you are emotionally connected with your spirituality and therefore able to make important, values-based decisions. Knowing yourself completely is critical to knowing God. Ignoring your emotions is ignoring the very way in which you draw closer to and become more like God.

Sometime, discomfort may be the price of admission to a meaningful life. Emotionally healthy spirituality is about reality, not denial or illusion and it’s an essential part of being human.

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Further Recommended Resources: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero. The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage, Susan David, TEDWomen2017

This article was first published 2 April 2018